its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
