he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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