i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
