I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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