First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
