I accidentally had phone sex last night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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