OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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