it hurts more in the daytime
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
