omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I smell stomach acid.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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