Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
