Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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