I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it's great music for shaving your balls
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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