Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He has the fingertips of a God
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