my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
