as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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