the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
