Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
