yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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