remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
