just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
