I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
