At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
