how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
