I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
