We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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