I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
