you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
