she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
