No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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