i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
