oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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