he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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