Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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