Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
