Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
