It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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