If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
