I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
