hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
