she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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