when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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