ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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