I'm lost and stupid without you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
