he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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