Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
