Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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