No awkward lesbian experiences without me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
