so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
