I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
