Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
