her vagine was all disorganized.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
