you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
